Day One at home, I was panicking! I didn't know how we would make it! This was due so much to the crazy amount of hormones swirling around in my system and the sleep deprivation. With Rhett, we stayed in the hospital for three days but with Vivi we were released 24 hours after her birth! The doctor offered to release me 12 hours afterwards, but we had to wait on Vivi's PKU test. She was born December 30th at 8PM and we were home December 31st at 10PM. So the next morning, our first full day at home, I was a little crazy. Like alotta crazy, actually. I spent the day in tears, scared because my mom was thinking I needed some space and was heading home. (She didn't leave, by the way. It all worked out.) I was a total basket case.
Day Two through... I don't know.... whenever I stopped nursing... was rough. Nursing always messes with my emotions. I'm not a logical, rational human being while lactating.
DG: Where do we keep the paper towels, babe?
Me In My Heart: Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Oh my, though... I LOVE PAPER TOWELS! Oh, I'm just so glad I bought them. I mean, (gasp), what if I hadn't bought them?!? Oh no! This whole situation would have gone down so VERY differently. I'm so going to forget paper towels in the future. I'll have to use a real towel to clean up spills! The laundry is going to pile up. I cant do this. I CAN'T DO THIS. I have to do this. What have I done?!? Everyone is going to see I cant do this. DG will be so disappointed. WHAT WILL WE WEAR if the laundry gets piled up? At least we don't have the cat anymore! That thing was spreading litter all over the laundry area. OH MY GOODNESS, MY BABY KITTEN, I MISS YOU SO MUCH! I -
DG: Babe? You're kinda spacing out on me. Those are crazy-eyes....
Me Outwardly: (Sniffling) The p-p-p-p-paper towels are in the pantry.
DG: Umm...are you okay?
Me Outwardly:...I'm not sure.
So, thankfully, I stopped nursing. I have guilt over this but I really cannot handle the kind of anxiety I have when I breastfeed.
DG went back to works the same week my mom left, the second week. Now we are at the end of the third week!
yAYA!
Go us!
I've noticed my parental worry is a little different this time around.
With Rhett, I was terrified to shower or take my eyes off of him for a second in fear that his little head would flop to the side or he would wake up and feel abandoned. I would literally have to get out of the shower and check on him and most of time I decided the world didn't need a version of me with shaved legs because that would take up a lot of time and I just really needed to get out and just....KEEP WATCH.
Now my in-shower fear is more like: What if she wakes up and Rhett decides to share his orange juice with her? Great, it would take so long to get all the sticky off the playpen. Oh my goodness, his movie is going so quickly. How has time flown by so fast?!? Did he fast forward? I literally just put that in. What time is it? What in the world, how did it get so late?!? ... etc
I've lost half my pregnancy weight! Still wearing maternity clothes. Hey, it's only three weeks out though, right?!
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