Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Monday, January 19, 2015
Three Weeks In!
We've made it three weeks!
Day One at home, I was panicking! I didn't know how we would make it! This was due so much to the crazy amount of hormones swirling around in my system and the sleep deprivation. With Rhett, we stayed in the hospital for three days but with Vivi we were released 24 hours after her birth! The doctor offered to release me 12 hours afterwards, but we had to wait on Vivi's PKU test. She was born December 30th at 8PM and we were home December 31st at 10PM. So the next morning, our first full day at home, I was a little crazy. Like alotta crazy, actually. I spent the day in tears, scared because my mom was thinking I needed some space and was heading home. (She didn't leave, by the way. It all worked out.) I was a total basket case.
Day Two through... I don't know.... whenever I stopped nursing... was rough. Nursing always messes with my emotions. I'm not a logical, rational human being while lactating.
DG: Where do we keep the paper towels, babe?
Me In My Heart: Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Oh my, though... I LOVE PAPER TOWELS! Oh, I'm just so glad I bought them. I mean, (gasp), what if I hadn't bought them?!? Oh no! This whole situation would have gone down so VERY differently. I'm so going to forget paper towels in the future. I'll have to use a real towel to clean up spills! The laundry is going to pile up. I cant do this. I CAN'T DO THIS. I have to do this. What have I done?!? Everyone is going to see I cant do this. DG will be so disappointed. WHAT WILL WE WEAR if the laundry gets piled up? At least we don't have the cat anymore! That thing was spreading litter all over the laundry area. OH MY GOODNESS, MY BABY KITTEN, I MISS YOU SO MUCH! I -
DG: Babe? You're kinda spacing out on me. Those are crazy-eyes....
Me Outwardly: (Sniffling) The p-p-p-p-paper towels are in the pantry.
DG: Umm...are you okay?
Me Outwardly:...I'm not sure.
So, thankfully, I stopped nursing. I have guilt over this but I really cannot handle the kind of anxiety I have when I breastfeed.
DG went back to works the same week my mom left, the second week. Now we are at the end of the third week!
yAYA!
Go us!
I've noticed my parental worry is a little different this time around.
With Rhett, I was terrified to shower or take my eyes off of him for a second in fear that his little head would flop to the side or he would wake up and feel abandoned. I would literally have to get out of the shower and check on him and most of time I decided the world didn't need a version of me with shaved legs because that would take up a lot of time and I just really needed to get out and just....KEEP WATCH.
Now my in-shower fear is more like: What if she wakes up and Rhett decides to share his orange juice with her? Great, it would take so long to get all the sticky off the playpen. Oh my goodness, his movie is going so quickly. How has time flown by so fast?!? Did he fast forward? I literally just put that in. What time is it? What in the world, how did it get so late?!? ... etc
I've lost half my pregnancy weight! Still wearing maternity clothes. Hey, it's only three weeks out though, right?!
Day One at home, I was panicking! I didn't know how we would make it! This was due so much to the crazy amount of hormones swirling around in my system and the sleep deprivation. With Rhett, we stayed in the hospital for three days but with Vivi we were released 24 hours after her birth! The doctor offered to release me 12 hours afterwards, but we had to wait on Vivi's PKU test. She was born December 30th at 8PM and we were home December 31st at 10PM. So the next morning, our first full day at home, I was a little crazy. Like alotta crazy, actually. I spent the day in tears, scared because my mom was thinking I needed some space and was heading home. (She didn't leave, by the way. It all worked out.) I was a total basket case.
Day Two through... I don't know.... whenever I stopped nursing... was rough. Nursing always messes with my emotions. I'm not a logical, rational human being while lactating.
DG: Where do we keep the paper towels, babe?
Me In My Heart: Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Oh my, though... I LOVE PAPER TOWELS! Oh, I'm just so glad I bought them. I mean, (gasp), what if I hadn't bought them?!? Oh no! This whole situation would have gone down so VERY differently. I'm so going to forget paper towels in the future. I'll have to use a real towel to clean up spills! The laundry is going to pile up. I cant do this. I CAN'T DO THIS. I have to do this. What have I done?!? Everyone is going to see I cant do this. DG will be so disappointed. WHAT WILL WE WEAR if the laundry gets piled up? At least we don't have the cat anymore! That thing was spreading litter all over the laundry area. OH MY GOODNESS, MY BABY KITTEN, I MISS YOU SO MUCH! I -
DG: Babe? You're kinda spacing out on me. Those are crazy-eyes....
Me Outwardly: (Sniffling) The p-p-p-p-paper towels are in the pantry.
DG: Umm...are you okay?
Me Outwardly:...I'm not sure.
So, thankfully, I stopped nursing. I have guilt over this but I really cannot handle the kind of anxiety I have when I breastfeed.
DG went back to works the same week my mom left, the second week. Now we are at the end of the third week!
yAYA!
Go us!
I've noticed my parental worry is a little different this time around.
With Rhett, I was terrified to shower or take my eyes off of him for a second in fear that his little head would flop to the side or he would wake up and feel abandoned. I would literally have to get out of the shower and check on him and most of time I decided the world didn't need a version of me with shaved legs because that would take up a lot of time and I just really needed to get out and just....KEEP WATCH.
Now my in-shower fear is more like: What if she wakes up and Rhett decides to share his orange juice with her? Great, it would take so long to get all the sticky off the playpen. Oh my goodness, his movie is going so quickly. How has time flown by so fast?!? Did he fast forward? I literally just put that in. What time is it? What in the world, how did it get so late?!? ... etc
I've lost half my pregnancy weight! Still wearing maternity clothes. Hey, it's only three weeks out though, right?!
Sunday, January 11, 2015
Monday, December 29, 2014
Vivian Day!
I'm super nervous today! I'm going in to the OB at 2 for an ultrasound weight check. I'm allergic to narcotic pain relievers, so we are almost 100% positive that we will induce today. Vivi weighed 6 lb 6 oz at 35 weeks and is expected to be at least 8 1/2 lb now. That's not too bad; but, if she weighs any more than that, my chances of a c-section go up somewhat significantly. Without a pain reliever stronger than Tylenol, a c-section would be *not fun*. I think Vivi and I would be fine going to term, but I hate that small elevated risk. So I'm really hoping this elective induction is God's will.
I've been crying all morning. I don't want things to change from Rhett and DG and I. Its been us three for so long. I want Vivi here so badly though. I'm ready to be an official family of four, yet, I feel as if I will never be ready.
I just want to step into a corner with Rhett and hug him and hug him and never let my little boy go. I hope he knows how much I love him. I hope he knows how perfect he is. He is irreplaceable.
I'm so excited though!
Today could be Vivian's birthday.
Thursday, December 11, 2014
Intertwined
Jesus is coming again bringing salvation, just as surely as we all die and are judged. Intertwined.
And just as it is appointed for people to die once — and after this, judgment — so also the Messiah, having been offered once to bear the sins of many, will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for Him. (Hebrews 9:27-28 HCSB)
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Acid Reflux Induced Pulmonary Embolism
I've had trouble these last three weeks, waking up having inhaled stomach acid. Not spit it up, inhaled it. This morning around 630, my lungs closed. I couldn't get air and was trying to breathe. I ended up pulling the acid down into the actual lung beyond the bronchial tubes. This caused a pulmonary embolism which isn't such a big deal really. It just means that I went into respiratory distress, my left lung filled with this gross salty water, and (by God's grace because I was a little woozy and even though 911 crossed my mind, I couldn't really think straight enough to call for help) I somehow managed to empty my lung. So gross. There was water and weird white foam all over. So I think the embolism actually cleared a lot of the acid. I still couldn't breathe really but managed text DG at work and he came home. I saw the doctor ASAP. I was coughing up blood all the way to the city. But I was clearing up in the hour it took us to get to the clinic. Long story short, I had the pulmonary embolism, have the acid induced bronchitis (so my airways are swollen, not really news) but my lungs are clear and oxygen is back to normal. Vivi was fine. She didn't seem to be in any distress and her heartbeat was great. I'm taking a prescription now to essentially shut off my acid production in a different way than OTC meds like Zantac do. It will take four days to actually start working completely so I need to be careful. Essentially, we do not want another embolism because it was amazing gift from God that it emptied outside of the hospital. Most pulmonary embolisms are caused by the heart giving out, but an undrained embolism can collapse the lung and cause heart failure. I was blessed. Without a culture of the foamy stuff, an embolism can't be proven so really the only outcome was injury induced bronchitis and finally getting a prescription to get my acid under control. I was trying not to before this incident because I thought the meds might hurt Vivi but the doctor says they are safe.
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Vivi's 4D Ultrasound!
We were able to see Vivi today!
I was so nervous that I barely slept last night. I received an email stating my appointment had been cancelled last night after-hours. I was so sure that I wasnt going to see Vivian today that I could barely sleep. I wanted to call in to my OB ASAP in the morning to figure things out. I ended up only fitfully sleeping for four hours and finally napping an hour this morning. That's not too bad, but I feel very drained.
We did get to see her this morning though! It was just a computer error! After all that worry. I should have just trusted God.
Vivi is doing great! She measuring 38 weeks! That doesnt mean anything though. She's just my little chubmuffin! She is 6 and 1/2 lb at 35 weeks. The nurses told me she will be born at a minimum of 8 and 1/2 lb! She is head-down. (The doctor doing my cervical check later told me that she isnt as engaged, or essentially as low, as she could be.) She has a large amount of hair! It was even visible on the 2D ultrasound screen, fluffy and moving in the amniotic fluid. The tech pointed it out. She was asleep for the ultrasound and had her hand in front of her face. No Vivi! We spent a long time and finally woke her up enough to move her little hand. She stretched her mouth open at us.
Rhett was not impressed with the procedure and was very VERY relieved when I was all done. He was worried they were hurting me. He told the ultrasound tech that I WAS NOT having a baby. Nope. No baby.
Sadly for him, we have proof to the opposite, as shown below.
Enjoy!
I was so nervous that I barely slept last night. I received an email stating my appointment had been cancelled last night after-hours. I was so sure that I wasnt going to see Vivian today that I could barely sleep. I wanted to call in to my OB ASAP in the morning to figure things out. I ended up only fitfully sleeping for four hours and finally napping an hour this morning. That's not too bad, but I feel very drained.
We did get to see her this morning though! It was just a computer error! After all that worry. I should have just trusted God.
Vivi is doing great! She measuring 38 weeks! That doesnt mean anything though. She's just my little chubmuffin! She is 6 and 1/2 lb at 35 weeks. The nurses told me she will be born at a minimum of 8 and 1/2 lb! She is head-down. (The doctor doing my cervical check later told me that she isnt as engaged, or essentially as low, as she could be.) She has a large amount of hair! It was even visible on the 2D ultrasound screen, fluffy and moving in the amniotic fluid. The tech pointed it out. She was asleep for the ultrasound and had her hand in front of her face. No Vivi! We spent a long time and finally woke her up enough to move her little hand. She stretched her mouth open at us.
Rhett was not impressed with the procedure and was very VERY relieved when I was all done. He was worried they were hurting me. He told the ultrasound tech that I WAS NOT having a baby. Nope. No baby.
Sadly for him, we have proof to the opposite, as shown below.
Enjoy!
Her chubby cheeks and lips.
Sleeping with that fist on her forehead!
I like how you can see under her arm joint here and kinda see the side of her body.
That arm looks so awkward, but it's just the way that the sonogram cut through it to see her face. It's her right arm, up and resting on her forehead.
The sonogram cutting through her arm looked so strange, but all I care about are those kissable, kissable cheeks!
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